Tuesday, September 19, 2006

My confession

[Made some changes.]

I have a confession to make.

I'm a racist.

[Slowly] I... hate... N------ASCAR.

I mean, what is it with these guys? They drive fast and turn left. That's a sport?

I actually met a NASCAR driver once. I said, "Why are you driving so fast out there? There aren't even any cops chasing you."

He said, "I know. I'm just trying to get home to the trailer park in time for dinner, but the durn road keeps curving off to the left."

I said, "Well, while don't you just turn the other way?"

He said, "Naw, I don't wanna do that. My buddy Dale tried to turn right once, and he done runned right into the wall."

That's why I like Formula 1. Those guys are really good. They can turn left and right. In the same race. I'd like to see a NASCAR driver try that.

But I don't get the name. "Formula 1." I get the "1"; I guess that means they're the best drivers -- the ones who can turn both left and right.

So Formula 2 must be not quite as good, and then there's Formula 3, Formula 4, Formula 5, and so on. Formula 17 is guys pushing their grandmas in wheelchairs.
[Runs back and forth pushing imaginary wheelchair.]
Granny: "Slow down, Sonny!"
Driver: "Shut up, Grandma, I'm trying to turn left!"

But what's up with the "formula" part? [I need a formula joke.]

And what happens when they have a Formula 1 race in Greece? Do they call it "Grecian Formula"? Do they only let guys with grey hair drive in it?


  1. When people ask my my race, I tell them NASCAR. Usually, they politely say, "Erm, your Nationality." Then I smile and tell them that I'm American.

  2. I prefer Formula 1. Those guys are really good. They can turn left and right.

  3. Grecian formula--that's funny.

    The only formulas that I can remember are Pythagorean and the Quadratic equation. I guess Secret's formula is pH balanced for a woman.

    Need coffee.

  4. For me, "formula" is the expensive white powder to which many infants are addicted (as a friend of mine pointed out).



What do you think?