Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

Since Brahnamin posted a chicken-crossing joke, I thought I would post my own favorite.

(It's dirty, BTW, so stop reading now if you're a prude. ;) OK, you've been warned.)

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

Because he heard the referee was blowing fouls.

(Say the punch line out loud if you don't get it. If you still don't get it, um, I don't know, go look at this or something instead.)

By popular demand

OK, so no one's actually been demanding it. In fact, everyone's probably forgotten that 1) I did standup comedy back in June and 2) I said I'd put up a video of it. But here it is anyway, just some highlights. (The whole set was about twice as long.) This was my first time, so be gentle with me.

Oh, and I talk about condoms and stuff, so it's probably not suitable for small children. Or prudes. ;) If you want strictly the G-rated stuff, click here and here. (Or if you want strictly the dirty part -- and you know who you are -- here it is.)

Oh, and as they say in television, "the camera adds 50 pounds." (Don't they say that?) I'm not as fat as I look in this video. Honest.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans and resident aliens

Happy Thursday, everyone else.

Preview of coming attractions!

Coming Monday morning! Video highlights of my debut standup comedy set!



"I'm just an average man. And that's width."

William Shatner is my friend

Yes, that William Shatner. So is Lou Reed. So are Mogwai, New Order, and UB40. Heh. I think MySpace is turning me into a fanboy, because I find myself absurdly pleased when famous people "add" me, even though I know it's really only people who work for a record company or publicist who actually do the adding, and I'm only one of thousands of their "friends."

I've also found that when -- as MySpace ettiquette demands -- you thank famous musicians (bands) for adding you, obscure bands will click on your comment and ask you to add them too. I always do, and I always listen to a little of their music. Unfortunately, it's almost always "meh" at best. Except the Sessions. I think they're brilliant. If you like music in the New Order/Cure/Killers vein, check them out.

The Maze Game

Usually I'm not that big on passing around trendy internet junk, but this game is really challenging.

North Korean news item of the week

From Korean Central News Agency:

Title of "Prize of Honor for Twice Model Machine No. 26" Instituted

Pyongyang, October 28 (KCNA) -- A decree of the Presidium of the Supreme People's Assembly of the DPRK on instituting the title of the "Prize of Honor for Twice Model Machine No. 26" was promulgated on Oct. 25. The decree said that the SPA Presidium of the DPRK institutes the title of "Prize of Honor for Twice Model Machine No. 26" for the purpose of awarding state commendations to those units which have contributed to accelerating the building of a great prosperous powerful socialist nation by updating machines and equipment and keeping production going on a high rate as required by the IT age, out of the units which won the "Prize of Honor for Model Machine No. 26" through the dynamic "Model Machine Movement for Emulating Lathe No. 26" and decides to approve the rules on conferring the above-said title.

YouTube favorites

Time for more YouTube favorites. (Videos with "adult" language or themes are marked with an asterisk.*)

Many people wonder what the secret of the Japanese education system is, so here's the answer: laugh in school, and you get whacked on the ass with a stick.

I feel so extraordinary, something's got a hold on me. It's a favorite video of a favorite song by a favorite band from a favorite decade.

November's Dead Comedian of the Month is Mitch Hedberg.

Speaking of that favorite decade, I neither confirm nor deny ever wearing parachute pants in the 80s. But if I did, you couldn't have touched it.

Remember the Diet Coke and Mentos video? Here are some further experiments.

It's 12:00, and Sheriff Will Kane must face a gang of android killers in High Tech Noon.

Of course, if Kane had mastered the ancient martial art of Brit Fu,* he wouldn't even need a blaster.

Although I suppose a Beer Cannon would be just as effective.

Two-year-old Otaro's job is to hand flowers to little girls when they finish playing the piano. But things don't always go according to plan.

This may not be the funniest thing I've ever seen, but it's pretty close. Dave Chappelle is Rick James, bitch.*