Sunday, January 28, 2007

Forty things I wonder about

I wonder about a lot of stuff. Like this:


If "neo-conservative" means "new conservative," what does "neon" mean?


And what the hell is prene?


Do guys named Ray ever get confused and sing,
"Doe, a deer, a female deer,
Ray, a name I call myself"?


If you aren't good at masturbation, are you an apprentice-bator?


And when women do it, shouldn't it be called "mistress-bation"?


Does "asymmetry" mean "a place where they bury Irish people"? ("Where's your dad buried, Patrick?" "In asymmetry, of course.")


Which is actually busier, a bee or a beaver?


Speaking of beaver, if women have pussies, what do cats have?


Could a Wookie beat up a Klingon?


And if Klingons are such mighty warriors, how come humans can always beat them in hand-to-hand combat?


If the first ship on Star Trek is the Enterprise, will the last one be the Exit Prize?


Speaking of space aliens, what's in the other 50 Areas?


If creatures come to America from another planet, do they need passports?


And if they don't have them, does that make them illegal aliens?


If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, shouldn't his name be Peter Picker instead of Peter Piper?


Or should it be Peter Pecker?


And wouldn't that be redundant?


Why is a titmouse a bird instead of a mouse?


And why does it have no tits?


And if you did see a mouse with tits, what could you call it? That name is already taken.


If wine goes with cheese, does whining go with cheesiness?


I know what a "fluffer" is in a porn movie, but what do they call the person whose job it is to plump up the pillows between takes?


When people shoot a scene for a movie, they have "Take 1," "Take 2," etc.; with all those takes, won't they run out eventually?


If a "necrophiliac" is someone who has sex with corpses, is a "Cadillac" someone who has sex with golf caddies?


Is Peter Pan what the nurse brings men to urinate in if they can't get out of their hospital beds?


Is Tinkerbelle what you ring if you want the nurse to bring the Peter Pan?


If actors are auditioned at "cattle calls," are cows auditioned at "people calls"?


Who would win a fight between Yoda and Dumbledore?


If white people from the South are "crackers," are black people from the South "graham crackers"?


Are Jews from the South "matzos"?


If George Bush and Hillary Clinton had a son, would his name be George Clinton?


And would he be funkadelic?


If people play baseball with bases and basketball with baskets, why don't they box in boxes?


What do ducks yell when one of them should duck? If one of them yelled "Duck!" they'd all just turn around and say "What do you want?"


If two gay guys get in an argument and go outside to exchange blows, are they escalating the conflict or making up?


Is the championship of bowling called the Super Football?


If she's by the seashore, couldn't people just pick up seashells for free instead of buying them from her?


When King Kong was growing up, was he Prince Kong?


If you pimp your ride, doesn't that mean your car is a prostitute?


If I don't stop, will I go blind? Better not take any chances. I'm finished.

3 comments:

  1. I believe that cats have sub-pussies.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I thought maybe they have hamsters...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is the purple people eater purple or does he eat purple people?

    ReplyDelete

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