Monday, January 22, 2007

Quotes 'r' us

Being on the internet for about 15 years now, I've probably used hundreds of quotations in my signature on bulletin boards, forums, e-mail, etc., and so on.

Some of them I wrote myself:

Do guys named Ray ever get confused and sing
"Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a name I call myself"?

I am Jack's n00b. [Get the reference?]

I hate sigs.

I'm not anti-Bush, Bush is anti-me. [A modified song lyric.]

You, the reader, did not exist before you read my sig. [Also modified from something I read somewhere. Never let it be said I don't give credit where it's due.]

I've also used many from the Simpsons, including:

"Brevity is... wit."

"Can't... describe... symptoms... much... longer...."

"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind."

I like song lyrics too, especially if they don't necessarily make a lot of sense (bonus points if you can name the songs and artists):

"...and bongo drums a speciality."

"First rule is: The laws of Germany
Second rule is: Be nice to mommy
Third rule is: Don't talk to commies
Fourth rule is: Eat kosher salamis."

"I closed my eyes and danced a slow dance with a fast girl...." [This one is actually from an instrumental, so it doesn't count on the test.]

"It's hard to be a garbage man when a sailor stole my glove"

"'The Hippies won't come back' you say?
Mellow out or you will pay!"

Lots of movie quotes, of course (can you name the movies?):

"He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy."

"I have some bad ideas in my head."

"Look upon me! I'll show you the life of the mind!"

And of course, many of them are "miscellaneous" (which is another way of saying "I don't remember where they're from, and I'm sure as hell not gonna google all these quotes to find out").

"Cry 'Hammock!' and let sleep the dogs of war."

"Hell is the impossibility of reason."

"There is no human problem that could not be solved if people would simply follow my advice." [So true.]

"I don't expect you will believe that I once (got) a mail-order course in alligator wrestling complete with a practice alligator, so I will not tell you this."

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness."

"The working class and the employing class have nothing in common." [I especially like this one because I'm self-employed. I have nothing in common with myself.]

"Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
"For drizzle."


  1. Here's one of my own favorites from Mr. Twain:

    The difference between the almost right word & the right word is really a large matter--it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.

    I usually use an almost right word.

  2. Yeah, I like that one.

  3. Okay, I get "There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't." This one. That is the extent of my binary language skill. :)


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