Monday, June 25, 2007

Weird dream of the year (so far): The Adventure of Just Needs a Good Shagging Girl

I had a weird dream last night. I don't remember much about how it started, but I was in rural Japan, in one of the areas I was in on my mission. Then I was flying to Tokyo on a jumbo jet. The Danite and somebody else was with me. But there was something wrong. The plane was flying very low and getting lower. There were trees taller than the altitude we were flying at. I said, "Isn't this plane flying freakishly low?" [I specifically remember using the word "freakishly." I don't know why. I mean, I kinda like the word, but it doesn't seem apt as a description of an airplane's altitude.]

Then terrorists were shooting at us. There were explosions all around. A small plane blew up, but we were so low that we safely flew right under the explosion and debris. Unfortunately, though, at this point the Danite fell out the back of the airplane. (He wasn't injured, though, just sort of confused-looking.) "What a stupid dream," I thought. "How the hell can somebody fall out the back of a plane?" [A lot of my dreams are semi-lucid like that.]

Next thing I knew, the plane had landed and I was in Tokyo. I was in the subway station trying to get to my train, but more terrorists were attacking. It was one of those giant stations with dozens of platforms and all sorts of intricate pedestrian tunnels connecting them. Then all of the sudden it wasn't terrorists anymore, it was a Super Villainess. She didn't have a name or anything in my dream, but she wore a sort of dominatrix costume with thigh-high shiny leather boots and carried a javelin. She was blowing
up stuff in the tunnels and all, so people couldn't get to their trains. They were still trying, though.

The Japanese cops were there, but they weren't doing much of anything. I asked them for a gun so I could go after the Super Villainess. The Head Cop asked me how much experience I had with guns. I was trying to figure out how to answer without lying but still get a gun, and then my daughter M was there. She asked the cops for a gun so she could take on the Super Villainess. It was only natural that she be the one to try, because she was the only person around with roller blades, which would give her a speed advantage.

The cops gave her a pistol. It looked like a 9-mm semi-auto. The Head Cop showed her how to use it. It had two switches, a safety and a switch to set it to full-auto. I looked at the switches, but had trouble finding the safety. The Head Cop handed M two clips of ammo. They looked like regular clips, but they were fat at the bottom, like the battery pack of a cordless drill. I asked him to give her more ammo, but he only had two clips. M took the gun and the clips and skated off.

I waited around for awhile. I don't remember if I was doing anything. People kept coming up the stairs and escalators and out of tunnels looking like refugees or something. Finally, I decided that it was taking too long and that I had to go get the Super Villainess and help M. I went down some stairs, and my spouse was with me, but she saw an old friend she hadn't seen for a long time and stopped to talk to her, so I went on alone. I went down more stairs, escalators, ramps, and so on, through doors, in and out of buildings. I saw lots more refugee-looking people, walking around with blankets over their heads to keep debris from killing them.

It was much farther and more complicated getting back to where the Super Villainess was then it had been getting away from her. I was getting frustrated and worried about M, when finally I heard the sound of roller blades, so I knew I'd found her. She came skating up a ramp with some refugees around her. The Super Villainess was coming up behind her, except it wasn't a ramp anymore, it was an escalator.

I tried to hide behind a chair that was at the top of the escalator [odd place for it] so I could surprise her, but I couldn't quite fit behind it. So I just said the hell with it and stood up and grabbed the Super Villainess by both wrists. She was kind of laughing at me because I couldn't hide behind the chair properly. She didn't have her javelin anymore.

I asked M why she hadn't shot the Super Villainess. She said, "I missed." I was a little disappointed in her, but I realized that, seeing as how she was shooting at a Super Villainess, it probably wasn't her fault, so I was careful not to be critical.

I turned my attention back to the Super Villainess. She looked just like some starlet who used to be on TV when I lived in Japan. [I can't quite remember who, though. It might have been Ai Iijima, because I just saw a video with her in it. And if you happen to know who Ai Iijima is, no, not that kind of video.] She wanted to get my daughter for shooting at her. I still held her wrists and pleaded with her not to. "Please don't hurt my daughter. I'm begging you." That would sound pretty natural in Japanese, but since we were speaking English, I thought, "Man, that sounds kind of obsequious."

I'm not sure what the Super Villainess was going to do, but then I realized that I was stronger than she was. And I knew why. I gave her neck a little nibble. "You're losing your powers," I said. I gave her breast a little squeeze and rub. "You lose your powers whenever you're attracted to a man." She just sighed and didn't say anything. [I guess her Super Villainess name should have been "Just Needs a Good Shagging Girl."] I scooped her up in my arms. There was an angry mob of people standing around. "I'd better get you out of here," I said. "Without your powers, these people will beat you to death."

I didn't actually mind all that much if they did, but I figured that if I let her get beaten by an angry mob, naturally she'd stop being attracted to me. Then her powers would come back, and then we'd all be in for it. But by rescuing her, I'd make her even more attracted to my manly protectiveness. And it worked. She rested her head on my manly chest, and I carried her out of the subway and into a police station.

THE END

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