Saturday, May 17, 2008

Manly skills

From CV Rick and a couple of other places:
My manly skills are in bold.

Esquire Magazine – 75 Skills Every Man Should Master

A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
I've done that a couple of times, I think.

2. Tell if someone is lying.
I think this may be a function of my strange brain or something, but I can usually tell. It makes it hard to vote for people.

3. Take a photo.

4. Score a baseball game.
I think I still remember how. I used to do it for fun, back when kids still liked baseball.

5. Name a book that matters.

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.

8. Not monopolize the conversation.

9. Write a letter.

10. Buy a suit.

11. Swim three different strokes.
Not well, but yeah.

12. Show respect without being a suck-up.

13. Throw a punch.

14. Chop down a tree.
I never have, although I bet I could.

15. Calculate square footage.

16. Tie a bow tie.
Isn't tying a regular one enough?

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
Not my specialty.

18. Speak a foreign language.

19. Approach a woman out of his league.

20. Sew a button.

21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.

22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
My specialty.

23. Be loyal.

24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.

25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.

26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
I'm just not interested in fishing. Or hunting.

27. Play gin with an old guy.
Nothing against old guys, I just don't know gin.

28. Play go fish with a kid.

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.

30. Feign interest.
Like I said yesterday, I used to be pretty bad at that. I think I'm getting better at it... maybe not.

31. Make a bed.

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.

33. Hit a jump shot in pool.

34. Dress a wound.

35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once)
I've never changed my oil, but I know how. The other two I've done more than once.

36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
I don't enjoy gambling. Maybe I'll write about why sometime.

37. Shuffle a deck of cards.

38. Tell a joke.
I've even gotten paid for it.

39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.

40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.

41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.

42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
Out of the three, talking to the waiter is hardest for me.

43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
I'm pretty sure I could do a disposal or a fixture; don't know about a thermostat.

44. Ask for help.
I've done it, so I guess I could do it again.

45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.

46. Tell a woman's dress size.

47. Recite one poem from memory.
"There once was a man from Nantucket..."

48. Remove a stain.

49. Say no.

50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
That's not enough. A man should be able to ask someone, "How do you like your eggs?" and then cook them that way. IMO.

51. Build a campfire.

52. Step into a job no one wants to do.

53. Sometimes, kick some ass.

54. Break up a fight.
Remind me to tell the story of how I broke up a fight on the subway in Tokyo sometime.

55. Point to the north at any time.
It's on my left now.

56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
OK, I can do that, and I have, but mix tapes are teh lame. They just are. The people who get them never care about them as much as the people who made them.

57. Explain what a light-year is.
The distance light travels in one year (thus, a distance, not a time).

58. Avoid boredom.
That's what blogging is for.

59. Write a thank-you note.

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
I dispute this one. I think being anti-brand is more manly.

61. Cook bacon.

62. Hold a baby.

63. Deliver a eulogy.

64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.

65. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap.

66. Throw a football with a tight spiral.

67. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.

68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
If you're lost, doesn't that mean you can't find your way?

69. Tie a knot.

70. Shake hands.

71. Iron a shirt.

72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.

73. Caress a woman's neck.
"I got my technique down and everything, I don't be ticklin' or nothin'."

74. Know some birds.
I actually know most of the local birds.

75. Negotiate a better price.

1 comment:

  1. Your specialty huh?

    I know most of the local birds also. Janet, Susie, Bonnie, Sarah . . . I'd be able to concentrate better if these damned sparrows by my window weren't making such a racket.

    And women's dress sizes . . . I don't understand why that was on the list.


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