Sunday, September 14, 2008

I'm reading "Twilight," so you don't have to (ch. 2 & 3)

Bella is gonna die. (Not really.)
Chapter 1
Bella complains and blushes. Edward has bronze hair. He hates Bella.

Here's my synopsis of chapters 2 and 3 of Twilight, by Stephenie [sic] Meyer.

Chapter 2. Open Book
The next day Bella goes to school. She starts getting used to it. She complains about the wind. She's bad at volleyball, which -- you guessed it -- makes her blush. Edward is absent.

Bella goes to the grocery store. Her mother nags her by e-mail. Bella cooks dinner. She talks with her dad about Edward's family. Edward is absent the rest of the week. Bella goes to the library and complains about its small inventory.

On Monday, it snows. Bella complains about it. Edward is back at school. Bella stares at him and blushes, but only with her ears. Edward stares at her too, but not at the same time.

In biology, Edward talks to Bella and is nice to her. Now he has golden eyes instead of black eyes. Bella and Edward are good at biology. They talk a lot. After school, Bella almost crashes into a Toyota with her truck because Edward is staring at her. She doesn't say so, but I bet she blushes.

Chapter 3. Phenomenon
Overnight, there's an ice storm. Bella complains about it. On the way to school, Bella complains because two boys like her. In the school parking lot, a van slides on the ice and is about to crush Bella, but Edward uses his super Beautiful Vampire speed and strength to save her.

Edward refuses to explain to Bella how he saved her. He has golden eyes. He refuses again, and he still has golden eyes. Bella goes to the hospital. She's embarrassed by the EMTs, by the neck brace they put on her, and by the ambulance ride, although she doesn't mention whether she blushes. Maybe she's as tired of talking about blushing as I am of reading about it.

Bella gets to the hospital. The boy who almost killed Bella with his van keeps apologizing, and Bella can't get him to STFU about it. Edward shows up. He still refuses to explain what he did, even though Bella knows he moved super fast and lifted up a van. That makes Bella mad, and not just because it's the third time within 10 pages that they've had the same conversation.

In the hospital waiting room, everybody looks at Bella. (I forgot to mention that Bella has a thing about people looking at her. In Chapter 1, everybody looked at her because she's the new girl. In Chapter 2, not so much. In Chapter 3, they all look at her again because she almost died.)

Bella goes home. All she can think about is Edward. That night she dreams about him for the first time, but she doesn't say what the dream is. Is this foreshadowing, or is Bella just a tease? Beats me.

(Check the pull-down menu under "Ongoing Series" in the left side-blog for more Twilight chapters.)

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