Thursday, September 17, 2009

I'm reading Twilight, so you don't have to: the return

All right, I'm finally going to finish this, I promise. There's only about seven chapters left, so I plan to complete the whole thing by Halloween.

Now I have a question. Once I finish Twilight, what book should I read next so you don't have to? I could, of course, do New Moon, the second "Twilight" book. That would be the easiest book to do, at least in terms of continuity. But I've also been thinking of doing some other books.

The basic criteria for a book that I read so you don't have to are 1) it's famous, 2) it's quite badly written, 3) it's full of weird stuff, and 4) some people take it really, really, seriously. Given those criteria, here are the candidates I've been thinking about:

New Moon, by Stephenie [sic] Meyer
The Old Testament, by God
The Book of Mormon, also by God (and/or Joseph Smith)
Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand

Pros and cons for each:

New Moon
Pro: The movie's coming out soon, I know how to do it, I know it would be funny
Con: I would have to read another book by Stephenie [sic] Meyer

The Old Testament
Con: It might offend a lot of people
Pro: It might offend a lot of people

The Book of Mormon
Pro: I know it pretty well, and it certainly fits the criteria
Con: Not that many people have ever read it; a high percentage of my readers are Mormon, and I wouldn't like to hurt their feelings

Atlas Shrugged
Pro: I loathe the sophomoric philosophy that's sprung up around the book, and I'd love to take the piss out of it a little bit
Con: I haven't read it, so I only know it by reputation; it's about a thousand pages long; I don't have a copy lying around the house, so I'd actually have to buy one

So what do you think? I'd really like some input. I'm actually kind of leaning towards Atlas Shrugged right now, although doing New Moon would probably be more sensible. Or maybe I could do more than one book at a time, although that would slow me down even more, and curtail other kinds of posts. Or I could even start a separate blog where I do nothing but read books so you don't have to...

What do you think?

(Check the pull-down menu under "Ongoing Series" in the left side-blog for Twilight chapters.)


  1. How about Dan Brown's new sensation, The Lost Symbol? From the blurbs, it promises to have just as much skewed Mormon doctrine as The DaVinci Code, only about Freemasons who want to become gods. Or something. I'm only #136 on the waiting list at the local public library, but I'm not sure I can stand to wait that long (estimated wait: 45 days, which would be right in the middle of our cross country drive home from my son's wedding in Virginia, so my hold may expire before I can get home to pick it up and I'll have to go to the end of the line again). Please? Brown should be at least as much fun as Meyer. Please! I'm so very grateful that you relieved me of the burden of reading Twilight. Just one more little favor? Please? I'll love you forever. I promise. Please! Read Dan Brown. You know you want to. Please?


  2. But with Atlas Shrugged I'd be making so much more of a political and intellectual statement... lol.

    I'll think about it.

  3. You'd have to buy one? Don't you have a library near you?

  4. It would take me a long, long time to do a 1,000-page book the same way I've been doing Twilight. There's no way I'd finish a lbrary copy before it was due.

  5. While I agree Dan Brown would be as fun as Mrs. Meyers, I think it might fall into the *just too damned easy* category.

    Bible was my first thought, but you might have to do the clif-notes version if you plan to mock it book by book.

    Honestly, though, Miley Cyrus just wrote her autobiography. And while I think that that too would have to fall into the *just too damned easy* category I don't know why it's not TOP on your list of possible suspects.

    the sheer gall of a teenager writing an autobiography deserves all the wit and scorn I know you can lay against it.

    C'mon - she's what? 16? And she's already decided she's done enough living to merit biographical consideration? How can you not take a whack at that?

    Granted, I'm sure growing up with the singing mullet provided it's share of trauma and tense moments, but still . . .

  6. Hey, I'm all about picking the low-hanging fruit, so that's an idea worth thinking about.


What do you think?