Friday, October 30, 2009

The bestest Halloween article in the history of the universe

...most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.

That's a quote from a 100-percent, I kid you not, serious article about how Christians should view Halloween. The article was reproduced on Pat Robertson's website, but it's so insanely goofy that even they took it down with no explanation.

Some more highlights:

The word "holiday" means "holy day." But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is "hallow," which means "holy, consecrated and set apart for service." If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer's! [I'm disappointed. She missed a good chance to say, "Could it be... Satan?!"]
The key word in discussing Halloween is "dedicated." It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.
Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.

I really don't know what to say about an article like that. It's hilarious, of course, but at the same time I find it rather sad. I wonder what it's like to live with so much fear and superstition that you can't even buy candy at certain times of the year -- much less display a pumpkin or stand next to a bonfire -- without worrying that you'll be attacked by demons. "The demon-haunted world" indeed.

(h/t: Friendly Atheist)

1 comment:

  1. Pat Robertson vs. Larry Flynt debating about prostitution on radio show.


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