Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Mormons are after my daughter (phone conversation of the week)

Weekday afternoon, around 2:00.

I answer the phone: Hello?

Caller (an elderly woman, judging from her voice): Hello, this is Sister [redacted], calling from the Membership Committee [I think -- maybe she said "Department"] of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Me: Mm-hm?

Caller: We're trying to find a current address for [my oldest daughter's First Name] [Middle Name] -- or is it pronounced [wrong pronunciation of Middle Name]? -- [Last Name]. Do you have a current address for her?

Me: Well, I know her address, but I don't think she'd want me to give it to you.

Caller: Oh, I understand completely. That's all right. Thank you for your time.

Me: OK.

Caller: Have a nice day.

Me: Bye.

Edited to add: I *69ed the call right after I hung up. It wasn't someone from a local church unit calling; the call was from a Salt Lake City phone number.

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  1. I would've given 'em a completely erroneous address and sent 'em on a wild goose chase. But then, I'm cruel like that, and I would get some pleasure out of knowing that they were somewhere - possibly Antartica (as that is where your daughter is, attempting to understand global warming and climate change) - wasting their time.


  2. What's the address for Wrigley Field?

    Love that movie.

  3. I don't think that quickly, dang it.

  4. I had this exact experience. The ‘lady’ called me ‘Mister ___’ and referred to me as ‘sir’. “Huh,” I thought, “I’m not a ‘brother’ anymore, now that I’ve been inactive for so long.” I suppose she knew this and really handled me with ‘kit gloves’ it seemed, but was still a little bit insistent; not too much, but a little. Finally I asked her for her phone number and said that I’d forward it on to my daughter and let her make the decision if she wants anything to do with the “Mormon” church, or “contact you”, but I think I actually said “Mormon church” instead of “the church” or “contact you”. I suppose I was keeping up with the “Mister” and “sir” cadence that she had set. Anyway, I told her that I think it best to respect my adult daughter’s right to privacy to which the lady on the phone agreed. I did email my daughter the phone number, but don’t think she ever used it, and I never heard back from ‘the lady’ again. It was a totally strange experience for me and kind of unsettling. I felt as if I had been shut out of the ‘Kingdom’ somehow, or even like I had been excommunicated!

    And just the other day I got a call from BYU Idaho wanting to know if I had any interest in being involved or something like that in their alumni something or other. I told her that I attended ‘Ricks College’ over forty years ago and only for one semester, which I never completed, and so I was hardly an alumnus! “Oh,” she said, “but don’t you want to know what’s happening and going on at BYU Idaho?” What a ditz. I replied, “I have absolutely no affinity for BYU Idaho whatsoever and neither care what’s going on there.” “Oh,” she replied again as if shocked that someone actually doesn’t care to know what’s happening at ‘God’s University’ in Idaho. I said a quick, “Have a nice day.” and hung up. Totally weird considering how long ago it was and that I never even finished one semester there. Wow, the church must be really hard up for money to be scrapping the barrel this low.

  5. My old college (the one I graduated from) calls me about twice a year for donations. I never give them anything, but they keep calling.


What do you think?