Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The Mormons are still after my daughter

I got this email today.
Church membership record for [REDACTED] REF #[redacted]

Dear Member,

We have contacted you using the e-mail address you provided for Church use.

The membership record for your relative, whose name is given above (see subject line), is being held at Church headquarters because we were notified this person has moved and we do not have a current home address. Please help us send this member’s record to the correct ward/branch by returning the member’s current address and telephone number in a reply e-mail. A residential address is preferred.

If you have already responded to our request by telephone, please disregard this e-mail.

Thank you,

Member Services
Member and Statistical Records Department
Church Headquarters, Salt Lake City, Utah
800-453-3860 ext. 21699
"Member Services" was in italics and two points larger than the rest of the message. Not sure why -- is it supposed to be impressive? It's a bit of an Orwellian name anyway, because who's being served in this case? (Hint: it's not the "member" who doesn't want to go to church anymore.) I also like the "If you have already responded to our request by telephone, please disregard this e-mail" bit, because I did respond, and they disregarded my response by asking again. Bad manners. Oh, and the email came with a "read receipt" request. Bad manners again.

Anyway, maybe I should send them an address. I got a couple of suggestions in my last post.


Wrigley Field

Any other good addresses I could send them?

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  1. How about Hell, MI?

  2. 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington DC

    112 Ocean Ave, Amityville NY

    P.O. Box 840686, Hildale, Utah (FLDS Headquarters)

  3. If it were my daughter, I would send them the address of the most notorious Nevada brothel I could google up. But, then, if it were my daughter, she would probably no longer be on speaking terms with me afterwards.

  4. These are good, keep 'em coming!

    Paul, I actually thought of that one, but then I was like "Wait -- this is my daughter I'm talking about!" :D

  5. Yeah, that is certainly in the, "I would love to, but...", category.


What do you think?