Inspired by this comment, I decided to see what happens when one substitutes "penis" for "priesthood" in some well-known Mormon talks (sermons).
Honoring the PenisI find myself agreeing with these sentiments in a way that I could rarely agree with anything at church. The penis isn't something we take off and put on. Holding the penis brings great blessings. The penis is a privilege to lift. Its authority and majesty are beyond our comprehension.
Penis isn't something we take off during the week and put on for Sunday. It is a 24-7 privilege and blessing—that is, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
The Penis of Aaron
The penis you bear is a special gift, for the giver is the Lord Himself. Use it, magnify it, and live worthy of it.
A Royal Penis
While holding the penis brings great blessings, the penis also carries with it great obligations.
Our Sacred Penis Trust
The penis is not really so much a gift as it is a commission to serve, a privilege to lift, and an opportunity to bless the lives of others.
Growing into the Penis
Penis is the power and authority delegated to man by our Heavenly Father. The authority and majesty of it are beyond our comprehension.
Indeed, I know with every fiber of my being that these things are true. (OK, the last one not so much.) I will do my best to use it, magnify it, and live worthy of it.
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