Thursday, September 27, 2012

Good Reads/Random Cool Sites (9/27/2012)

Only 2.4% of Americans (not 47%) are working age, not students, not disabled, don't work, and receive government benefits.

The presidential race should never have been this close.

Why I refuse to vote for Barack Obama. (Actually, this is why I won't campaign for him or donate money to him. But I'll vote for him. What other choice is there? We saw the result of a Republican government only four years ago, and we're still paying for it.)

And this is mainly why I won't vote for a Republican even for dog catcher.

Doesn't every teenager drive a BMW convertible?

Meeting a troll.

In school, we sometimes lined up by height. What if we lined up by other criteria?

I've never seen anything like this before: paper sculptures by Calvin Nicholls.

After seven years, Adam Greenberg gets another at-bat in the majors.

Dog chases polar bear; polar bear chases dog.

Commercially-sponsored faux flash mob with studio-recorded music dubbed in, but still pretty cool:

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Things you don't want to hear the doctor say while he performs surgery on you

I went in a couple of days ago to have some minor surgery done (although "minor" surgery, as the saying goes, is what they perform on other people). It was no big deal, just an outpatient procedure with local anesthetic. The doctor, however, was -- how should I put this -- a little eccentric. And he made me realize there are some things you would prefer not to hear your doctor say while he's operating on you.

Such as:
  • "Oops!"
  • "Dammit!"
  • [Answering cell phone] "Hello... I can't talk now, I'm performing surgery... OK, bye."

Related: When doctors say "Wow!"

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Monday, September 24, 2012

Good Reads/Random Cool Sites (9/24/2012)

The Confidence Fairy is a vengeful harridan.

Five lessons from the delisting of MEK as a terrorist group.

"In the 1990s, scientists declared that schizophrenia and other psychiatric illnesses were pure brain disorders that would eventually yield to drugs. Now they are recognizing that social factors are among the causes, and must be part of the cure."

The failure of microwave weapons.

"With the possible exception of Pete Rozelle, no other men influenced the way casual audiences think about football as deeply as Ed and Steve Sabol."

Sherlock Holmes cosplay at Reichenbach Falls.

People tattooed with the logos of defunct companies.

Government report on reports about reports recommends another report.

Romney apologizes to the nation's 150 million "starving, filthy beggars."

Sixty-one things I learned at the National Hobo Convention.

And here's a music:

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In which an attractive woman sticks her finger up my butt

I went to the doctor for a physical last week. "Kuri," you might be saying, "you just had one in 1988. Why are you going again so soon?" I know, I know, once every 24 years does make me sound like a bit of a hypochondriac, but one can't be too careful where one's health is concerned.

The doctor at the cheap (not free) clinic where I went happened to be female. She also happened to be rather attractive. Not oh-my-god-i'm-in-love attractive, but more like if-i-was-single-i-might-want-to-get-to-know-her attractive. She's around my age, and pleasant-looking, but also interesting. We talked about whether I should get a PSA test, and she openly said she didn't know, because specialists recommend both for and against it. How often does that happen? I mean, just average people don't like to admit they don't know something; how often do doctors admit something like that? Kind of intriguing, no?1

Anyway, eventually we got to the digital rectal exam part of the physical. I'd been looking forward to this with both dread and anticipation. I'd only ever had one before (in 1988). All I remember about that one is that I jumped the second the doctor touched my ass, and he said, "Just relax," and I thought, "Easy for you to say, dickhead, you're not the one about to get a finger up your asshole."

However, I also remembered this novel excerpt I read in somebody's Cosmo (I think; this person used to read Glamor too, but no, it certainly seems like a Cosmo-type book) when I was young. In the story, this guy's girlfriend or wife or whatever was possessed by an alien or an evil spirit or something, and she/it wanted him to impregnate her/it so she/it could have a hybrid/monster baby. Or something -- I don't remember much, but this is the important part, which I remember quite well: he really wasn't into the sexy-time (what with her being possessed and all), so she/it jammed her finger up his butt and "massaged his prostate" resulting in an INSTANT BONER!TM 2 (and in due course a hybrid/monster baby, I think).

So apparently touching prostates can cause boners, and this attractive woman doctor is about to give me a rectal exam, and I'm thinking, "If this gives me a boner, that will be pretty awkward." I mean, I'd be facing away from her, but eventually I'd have to turn around, and then what do I say? "Oops, sorry [laughs awkwardly]"? Should I say, "Nothing personal"? Or would that actually be kind of insulting (as well as probably somewhat less than 100 percent true in this case)? Or does etiquette require simply ignoring the elephant ('s trunk) in the room? I don't think Emily Post or Miss Manners ever covered this exact situation.

On the other hand, the situation would also be pretty funny. I like humor, even when I'm the butt (so to speak) of it (within reason), and really, there aren't many things funnier than inadvertent inappropriate boners. So I was sort of almost half anticipating the awkwardness of what might happen, and when she got ready and said, "Well, there's no dignified way to do this," I thought, "Doc, you ain't seen nothin' yet."

But then in went her finger, and all I could think was, "Cosmo, you fucking liar!" And, "There are people who actually like this?! And not just with slender lady fingers either?!" It's not my thing at all. I guess enjoying having something up your butt is just one of those odd human foibles, like people who think beer tastes good.

So, no, there was no comical inadvertent inappropriate boner. On the other hand, there was no obvious prostate cancer either, so there is that. Also, I feel inexplicably close to the doctor, like we shared a moment or something.3 Is that weird?

1So remember ladies, in the unlikely event you want me to be attracted to you, admit when you don't know something.

2OK, "INSTANT BONER!" isn't actually trademarked AFAIK (not even by the makers of Viagra), it's just one of those phrases that looks funny with a TM after it. It's also funny if you imagine it being said in a deep voice with a "reverb" effect: {{{INSTANT}}} {{{BONER}}}. See what I mean?

3So remember ladies, if you want me to feel close to you -- I kid! I kid! Please find another way.

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Monday, September 17, 2012

Good Reads/ Random Cool Sites (9/17/2012)

Romney says what he really thinks about people who won't vote for him. A roundup of some discussion/context. And Digby.

The true face of "voter fraud." And some "credible information" on how hard it is for poor people to get IDs.

Very apropos this week, one of those articles that really explains a lot about the world: the distress of the privileged.

Remember Paul Frank Industries' racist Indian theme for Fashion's Night Out? They actually apologized and are trying to make things right.

Art and neuroscience.

Sins of a good Mormon boy.

Unbeliever Andrew H defends Jesus' teachings against Christians.

Further proof that bacon is nature's perfect food: Bacon sandwiches really do cure hangovers.

Jesus saith, "Age is just a number. You're very mature for your age. That's what matters."

Why we love dogs.

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Thursday, September 13, 2012

Monday, September 10, 2012

Good Reads/random Cool Sites (9/10/2012)

Thirty writing tips from famous authors.

The Woman Who Needed to Be Upside-Down: Why did a 
giant man walk into the ER holding 
a tiny woman by her feet?

An abridged list of lies I was taught as a child.

Fucking goddam troll assholes.

You only live 11 times.

Genome brings ancient girl to life (not literally).

Curiosity could contaminate Martian water.

...the oligarchs who own proprietary software systems have changed the nature of law itself: Code is law, not metaphorically, but literally.

It's my life, and DAMMIT, if I'm going to live, I'm going to LIVE!

Anne Geddes photos with grownups.

And a 9/11 music video:

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Monday, September 03, 2012

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day, Americans and resident aliens! Happy Monday, everyone else on this side of the International Dateline!

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